AsaroPhobia --- The fear of Asari...

Haba! You too like food. Ehn Ehn? I know you understand what phobia means but why are you trying to link the “Asaro” prefix with Asaro (Yoruba word for Yam Porridge).   Asaro ko, Pounded-yam ni. Abeg hear me out first. It’s one of my most shocking experiences in this week. Thank God I am alive to share the story.

Did I tell you that the man you have always watched in videos and read about in papers came to my masjid to pray Jummah yesterday? He is that guy that spits fire and the one-man battalion whom many are afraid of. He is a fine boy with no pimples, I'm not making this up..Like, seriously. I never noticed he was around as I just decided to mind my business.

When we finished the prayer, I proceeded to salute the Imam for a fantastic Jummah presentation. The Imam is an outstanding orator who has a good grasp of Yoruba, Arabic and English. I’m always lifted high with his sermons. As I reached the door, a huge man was the one just coming out. The man humbly stretched his hand and said "Assalamu alaykum!". I responded as necessary, "Walaykum Salam!". I almost got carried away with the softness of his palm.

I swear, this guy's hand is sooooo soft that I thought I was holding a freshly-baked Agege Bread. I looked up and I saw his huge chocolate body, looking fresh. Lo and behold, I was holding hands with Alhaji Mujahid Asari Dokubo, formerly Melford Dokubo Goodhead Jr. Omo, I was glued to the spot! I no go lie, fear catch me small. He added, as if he knew me before, "How is work and family?". I said, "We thank God"...(*Let me cut out the rest of the conversation*).

I don’t really know what actually got him interested about me. Probably it was my native Yoruba dressing. I actually “wasted” the woven cap. It’s one of the caps I inherited from my mentor, Chris Uwaje of Africa. I am still feeling thrilled with the humility of this man, I compared those videos with the Asari I just met and I can't understand why he isn't for‪#‎ANewNigeria. Abi na camouflage? I am posting this so you know about it before you see it on TV. NOW, don't call me a MEND guy ooo! I don't know anything about ‪#‎MEND ooo! Na beg I dey beg ooo!

Although I was caught by little AsaroPhobia (Fear of Asari), I am 100% for ‪#‎Change. I never decamp ooo. My brother no dey inside this ‪#‎FeBUHARI ‪#‎ValentineElection ooo. It's our Nigeria, let's take it back...
I'll use my ‪#‎RedCard2015. It's my ‪#‎PVC. Thanks for reading. Don’t forget to subscribe and share with friends.

The Fear of Sambisa

Look around you and you will find retired soldiers and policemen who have been owed multiple months of pension and outstanding gratuity. We just witnessed a couple of them team up to express their dissatisfaction about this malodourous treatment for the people who served with blood and might. Is this fair, Nigeria? The joy of any retiree is to get his or stipend coming so as to keep ends meet in the post-service life. This is not the case for most of our heroes past. The living are wailing while the dead are getting one minute silence every year. So how will a right-thinking human be ready to sacrifice his life for a course that wouldn’t pay him back except with an annual minute of silence?

The federal republic of Nigeria has set aside the 15^th of January as the special day for the remembrance of our fallen Men and Women in the Armed forces. These individuals who have taken it upon themselves to defend Nigeria and uphold her unity even when it means risking their lives, should not be described less than Heroes. I’m in support of the yearly celebration and will also do all I can to show my allegiance to the sovereignty of the world’s largest black nation. However, I have some reservations as to the mode of remembrance.

                The ideal way of truly rewarding our heroes is to pay them their dues, properly equip them with technological gadgets and provide them with better conditions of service before they become “Our Heroes Past”. I know high ranking officers in the army enjoy life like the biblical kings, so this is more about the low-level officers on the field. For many years now, since the BokoHaram insurgency started tearing apart the fabric of our togetherness, we have lost countless of soldiers to a battle without definition. Do we have a record for these fallen heroes? If yes, are they properly documented and accessible for NGOs and well-meaning Nigerians to support their families? Who takes care of their families after they are gone? We must stop wasting the lives of our armed forces.

        The fear of Sambisa is the beginning of wisdom. Have you seen soldiers seriously begging their superiors not to be posted to the warfront? Yes, it happens. Because a man is in the Camo Uniform doesn’t make him less than a human. He has got his life, his wi(ves), his children and loved ones to miss. More realistically, he has got blood flowing in his veins. What if the inevitable happens due to a negligence that is not from him? When you are facing an enemy carrying an M-SMG Riffle and all you have is an AK-47, you should reason well before going out on the mission. An African proverb says the “The best soldier is the one who knows how to fight and how to retreat”. Just recently we had over fifty (50) of our soldiers sentenced to death after being charged for mutiny. I asked a question, “which country mutiny dey fight for?”

        My research only showed me that Mutiny is the military jargon for disobedience to the head r authority. If these soldiers have disobeyed or refused to fight the enemy, then they must have a particular reason for that action. Again, the reason must also be peculiar as over fifty respected humans can’t be all dumb at the same time. . No one would hear the date of his death and be happy, especially when the circumstances surrounding the assignment are shady. Who cares to ask about their welfare? Yet, the soldiers cannot be granted a voice to tell the true story behind those charges. I’ll say the more befitting way to celebrate 15^th January is for all Nigerians to sign the petition to get those soldiers freed.

Equipping our military is a task we cannot but rise up to as nation, if only the government means business on its basic responsibility of security. With all the magnanimous budgetary allocations for security in the year 2012, 2013 and 2014 coupled with the recent borrowing of $1 billion loan, I think improper equipment should be the last virus in our chest. But, what can we say? I’ll also opine that instead of always having a minute silence for lost ones, including our honourable fallen heroes, wouldn’t it rather be better for us to offer them a one-minute prayer. A minute spent in prayer is worthy than a minute spent in silence.

If you hear kaukau, take cover! Your closest cover is the ground. Just lie flat. That's a lesson from Security 101. May the gentle souls of our fallen heroes rest in peace. May the outstanding pensions and gratuities of our retired heroes be paid on time. May our standing heroes, still in service, be well-equipped and given better conditions of service. Please say Amen if you truly care. Happy Armed Forces Remembrance Day, Nigeria.

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 Emdee cares.

The Pocket Askari PART 2 (MUST READ)

.....continued from PART 1

At the station, I heard sentences like “go and met that man”, “we have took the case to the AC”, “your tyre is flexible at highway” with an irregular blend of Pidgin English. All these hilarious utterances confirmed that these officers weren’t around when God gave everyone the gift of simple and correct communication in English. I also imagined what strategy and criteria the NPF considers before recruiting its men and giving them the license to shoot at more intelligent men. Are these the kind of people put in the custody of our law and security? I made an attempt by calling on an Inspector at the nearest police headquarters Iyaganku but the deal had been done before the man arrived. The inspector showed displeasure and ordered the LPO or warefa to refund the money he had collected from us but he refused, lying that we never gave him any money. The inspector also threatened to relief the LPO of his uniforms if he fails to comply.

Police counting their 'booty' for the day

As the momentum grew, the LPO who collected money tried to screw up the issue by saying that I had no business with the case as it didn’t directly involve me and also that the police station had an officer who is more superior to the inspector I went to bring. As expected, the LPO got support of his fellow corrupt officers especially the most senior one. They called in the inspector I brought and gave the case its share of rat poison. Without long story, our case died the usual natural death after which the inspector told us to just let it go since the ‘suspects’ have now been freed. Now, this is Nigeria where all the police needs to extort poor citizens is an approval from his corrupt area commander. I and my last standing friend suffered some brushes in the hands of the policemen who forcefully pushed us out while the case was been killed settled between them and the officers. One of the officers that bruised me has a first name that starts with an A , and a last name that starts with an O. If the elites can suffer this much in the hands of these hungry and corrupt officers, I can’t measure what lesser mortal like the okada men and traders go through in their hands every day.

I stand to be corrected but I can figuratively say that, it is only in Nigeria that the police ask for receipt of the food you bought at Yakoyo Food Canteen or nearby Calabar kitchen. It seems the objectives of having a police force has been, to a large extent, shattered beyond repairs. With the corroded kind of English spoken by the officers at that station, it was obvious that they lacked any understanding of the law they were employed to protect.  Almost all our local communities and estates are manned by Vigilante men and private security guards paid by the inhabitants while our police men are busy on the road with the stop-and-search patrol that will only benefit their pockets. Raining courses and committing corrupt police officers to God’s court has become the only hope for the common man.

An officer doing it 'right' at a polling station during an election

It is therefore time for us to ask if checking of receipts and extorting the citizenry the essence of our police’s establishment. We have clamoured for state policing for a very long time but it landed on the very deaf ears of the federal government. A lack of state and community policing has contributed largely to the brutality of the police. The LPO in this case claimed he wasn’t from that region and could do anything for us. This and many other cases have turned the right of the citizens to the excuse for the police to brutalize. The more you try to tell the police what your basic human rights are, the more trouble you invite for yourself.

I recommend that the NPF reviews their recruitment procedures, intensify the monitoring of their job ethics, and most importantly train and retrain their staff. There should also be an independent and incorruptible monitoring team to checkmate and appraise officers on duty. I believe our police can actually do what is right if they have proper and effective monitoring and checks. I witnessed one few months ago at ALLU Junction, Port-Harcourt city, when a policewoman refused to collect a #200 naira bribe for fear of being captured by the security cameras installed at the checkpoint. The police is meant to serve the people and not vice-versa. More so, the quality of the police signifies the image of the government’s seriousness, especially to foreigners. We shall continue to call them to order until our police understand and abide by the core essence of their establishment. The faster a solution can be procured the better for us as a sovereign nation.

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Your comments are highly welcome, I care.